Day 23: Provo's Creepers

Date: March 9th 2011, 9:30 pm
Distance: 4.9 miles
Weather: Warm

So I went to the doctor yesterday and among other things I found out that I weighed 150 pounds. Ug. I've never weighed that much... even when I was lifting weights 3 times a week. No wonder this running seems to go so slowly. I'm going slowly.

Well it was an interesting course today. I started out by breezing down the hill going south on 9th and turning. I wanted to keep things light and quick. Things started getting treacherous when I turned left and got into the neighborhoods. There were no streetlights and the sidewalk I ran on was in bad condition. Parts had sunken in, while other parts were lifted up by roots. There were some places where people had tried to patch and repair it, ultimately making it worse. I was lucky to get out of there without rolling an ankle. Going south again was fine until I got near the 7 Peaks waterpark. The road was closed for construction. While construction vehicles filled the torn up street, I noticed that the sidewalk appeared intact. I decided to run on it.

If you have never run through a creepy dark construction site in the dead of night, then trust me when I say it isn't for the faint of heart. There were all these derelict machines all around me and weird sounds were coming from all over. One sounded like the gurgling of busted sprinklers, one sounded like a running air compressor, and one sounded like radio or tv static (if you've ever seen poltergeist then you'll understand why I picked up the pace). There was also a car parked in the field right next to me just sitting there with the engine off and the headlights on. Yeah. That's not weird. When I was halfway into the construction zone the sidewalk ended and a sign directed me to cross the street. I tiptoed over a makeshift bridge that crossed the deep trench dug for all these pipes. Then I scurried across the road that was nothing but dirt and mud. I'm pretty happy I didn't roll an ankle somewhere in there either.

It wasn't long after when I had these terrible stomach cramps. These ones were pretty bad, but I just kept going (albeit cursing the hamburger helper I had for dinner... I could just see that freaky hamburger helper glove-man mocking me). Then I made it to the intersection of 9th and Center just in time to see a car get pulled over by the cops.

Busted.

I was hoping to see some action... mabye a guy getting cuffed, somebody pulling a gun, a car chase, or at least a foot chase. I would have even been satisfied with someone "walking the line". I wanted to have the chance to sing out "bad boys, bad boys, whatcha gonna do? whatcha gonna do when they come for you!" Unfortunately, life is never as cool as the tv shows. I mean... this is Provo. The guy probably had his registration expire yesterday or something.

The cramps didn't go away so I just dealt with it. As I continued to run East, I saw a slice of the moon in the sky, only this time it was hanging downward like a smile... reminding me of the Cheshire Cat from Alice in Wonderland. Funny how the world seems to mock you when you are in pain, huh?

Well, I was now excited for what I considered the most interesting part... running through the colony. You need to know that the colony is probably the strangest part of South Provo. It is a street that is designed to look like a picture perfect idyllic American Suburb. It is one of those places that looks a little too perfect... to the point that it is creepy. This picture from Google street view doesn't do it justice, but focus on the stairways or the roofs of the houses. Every house on the street is identical. One side of the street is like a mirror image of the other side. Running down there gives you an unsettling feeling. It's like a cross between Floop's Fooglies and Eerie, Indiana.

That's "the colony" (great name, huh?). The rest of the route was pretty basic. The cramps went away eventually. Life returned to normal. In case you were wondering, yes, the run was late. Late at night and a day behind schedule. Better late than never, though.